The Tech-Wise Family

Loran Tang, recruiter and training coordinator of Children Ministry

The Tech-Wise Family

“Now my kids turn to AI for everything!” Some parents have shared this concern with me. When AI becomes our children’s go-to advisor, what role do parents play now?

With the rise of YouTube over the past decades, parents have already lost some of their privileges in passing on skills and knowledge to their children, as many skills can now be learned through various online channels. Now, with ChatGPT and other AI tools becoming increasingly popular, it seems we are losing even more ground!

As technology advances at an unprecedented pace, we cannot help but wonder: Will technology eventually replace some of the roles parents play?

I recently read The Tech-Wise Family by Andy Crouch, and I believe this book offers many valuable insights and practical advice for navigating this new parenting landscape. I have extracted some of its key ideas and summarized them here. I hope they will be helpful to you, too!

Almost Amish

In The Tech-Wise Family, Andy Crouch challenges us to consider how technology is shaping our family lives. He suggests that if we refuse to let technology dictate how our families live, we may need to make choices that most of our neighbours, and perhaps even fellow church members, are not making.

Crouch describes these radical choices as a commitment to becoming "almost, almost Amish"! Sounds challenging? Doing what is right in today's world is rarely easy. However, don't lose heart. The author emphasizes that wisdom is gained not through the convenience of technology, but through difficulties, challenges, and even pain.

What Is a Family For?

Before offering practical strategies, Andy Crouch first defines the unique purpose of a family.

According to the author, family is about the formation of persons—human beings created in God's image and called to reflect His glory. While families shape us in many ways, Crouch focuses particularly on two important qualities: wisdom and courage.

Charles Spurgeon once said, “Wisdom is the right use of knowledge. To know is not to be wise... but to know how to use knowledge is to have wisdom.”

Crouch echoes this idea and brings it into the context of technology. Wisdom is knowing what is right to do—what honours our Creator and serves our fellow human beings. A fool, on the other hand, may possess plenty of knowledge but lacks the wisdom to use it in ways that contribute to the flourishing of others. Interestingly, the author points out that foolishness can look a lot like what we see on social media today!

Why, then, are families so unique and important in developing our character, particularly wisdom and courage?

It is within our families that we discover our own laziness, short tempers, and foolishness, often through everyday conflicts and disagreements. Yet, our families are also where we can experience unconditional love and acceptance, giving us the security and encouragement to flourish and grow in wisdom.

Therefore, while knowledge can be acquired through technology, wisdom is developed through the challenges and experiences of our relationships with others. Teaching our children to use knowledge wisely and shaping their character remain the responsibilities of parents. We need to stay connected with our children and walk alongside them as they navigate this challenging generation.

Practical Tips from the Book: Reclaiming Your Family Life

1. Shaping Space

The physical arrangement of our homes shapes our behaviour.

The centre of our homes should be filled with things that encourage conversation, creativity, reading, playing, making, and building relationships—not things that encourage passive consumption.

The main idea: Put technology at the edges; put people and meaningful activities at the centre.

Practical examples:

• Keep screens out of the centre of family gatherings.
• Make books, musical instruments, games, and art supplies easily accessible.
• Create spaces where family members naturally interact.
• Put priceless things, such as artwork from friends and candlelit dinners, at the centre of family life.
• Have a cabinet filled with board games that invite everyone to play together.

The crucial takeaway: Find the room where your family spends the most time. Then eliminate the things that demand little of you and develop little in you.

2. Structuring Time

Take electronic Sabbaths:

• One hour a day: Put away phones and screens during specific times of the day, such as family meals, so everyone can be fully present with one another.
• One day a week: Set aside a full 24-hour Sabbath (for example, from Saturday evening or Sunday morning until the end of the day), during which devices are powered down and left to charge out of sight.
• One week a year: Commit to an extended digital detox or a tech-free family vacation each year.

3. Replace Screen Time with Meaningful Activities

Instead of turning to social media or electronic devices, encourage activities that bring family members together and nurture creativity, relationships, and personal growth.

• Enjoy outdoor activities whenever the weather permits.
• Read books together.
  Reading is one of the most precious gifts I have given my children. Even though they were early readers, I continued reading to them every night. Many classic books, such as the Frog and Toad and Mr. Putter and Tabby series, have become treasured childhood memories that will stay with them forever!
• Make mealtimes meaningful. Prepare meals and enjoy them together, of course, without interruptions from electronic devices. Let your children take charge of preparing a full Sunday dinner—even if that means your meal consists mostly of snacks!
• Enjoy vacations without electronic interruptions, as much as possible.
• Create music together. Play musical instruments or simply sing together.
• Have real-world conversations during travel, especially during car rides, when there is a wonderful opportunity to connect.
• Show up physically. Your presence at important moments in your children's lives, such as birthdays, graduations, and other significant family events, will help create beautiful memories that they will cherish.

In addition to the author's suggestions, I would also recommend setting aside time for family prayer and building connections within your community. Go hiking, have picnics, go camping, or play sports with other families in your church. These activities provide opportunities for physical interaction and genuine connections with real people—experiences that nurture both our souls and minds.

Let's Take the First Step!

As I write this summary, I am reminded of how much more I need to do if I truly want to embrace a digital detox and reclaim a more meaningful family life.

As Andy Crouch points out, the commitment required involves radical choices and lifestyle changes. But we don't have to do everything at once. Even taking one step at a time can make a significant difference in our relationships with our children.

Technology is here to stay, and we cannot simply turn back the clock. But we can choose how much influence it has over our family lives. More importantly, we can choose to be present, to invest in our children's hearts and minds, and to nurture the wisdom and character that technology alone cannot provide.

Let's start today. Shall we?

Original book: The Tech-Wise Family: Everyday Steps for Putting Technology in Its Proper Place by Andy Crouch.

Connect with Cheryl Li: chery.li@bacfamily.org

Connect with Loran Tang: loran.tang@bacfamily.org